After You Die

“AFTER YOU DIE

Just so you know after you die

I will not wonder why you didn’t do

your dishes or how long it’s been

since you cleaned your oven or

microwave or mopped your floors

or why there were dust bunnies under

the bed and behind the door

After you’re gone I will not wonder

how you could have allowed the

piles of old mail to accumulate or

why you saved so many bits and pieces

of this and that or why you weren’t

more goal-oriented and well-organized

or why your refrigerator contained

so many expired condiments

When you are absent from all your

familiar places I vow to avoid wondering

why you didn’t eat less and exercise more

or why you waited so long to stop smoking

or drinking or whatever else was

simultaneously soothing and deadly or

why you took whatever risk may

seem to have hastened your exit

or why you left so much

unsaid unfinished or unresolved

I will only wonder if you knew how much

you mattered to me just as you are

as you were when we met in our temporary

human disguises and laughed in the

dressing room of the world at how funkily

our skin suits fit at times

I will wonder and hope

you knew you were beloved

I will wonder when we last hugged

and whether you felt how our

heartbeats converged and

our bellies bumped like boats

and then we both sighed"

~ Marva Lee Weigelt